A window into the thoughts of a troubled soul
by luckydog
Summary: Kai writes what he thinks about life. First poetry type thing so reviewing is good.


Disclaimer: I do not own beyblades.  
Luckydog: Why do we always write about Kai? Let's write about Ray! Or Max!  
Or Tyson!  
Renee: that's because Kai's got the mysterious past and the most mental  
problems.  
Kai: Hey! Look who's talking?  
Luckydog: A retard?  
Kai: Shut it you!  
Renee: Anyway, this is poem-like so it might as well be a poem. Yeah, it's  
a poem written by Kai.  
Luckydog: A poem? How sweet!  
Kai: -_-* You die now!  
Renee: Enjoy!  
  
A window into the thoughts of a troubled soul.  
Every time I write I use a black pen. This is because it suits the way I  
feel about life. It is black. It doesn't reveal anything to us and we  
cannot find meaning in it. Just like I can't see in a black room, I can't  
see a reason to exist. Time will pass and I will probably change. In a way  
lot of ways I don't want to change. No, even though life treats me like  
shit and won't allow me pleasure, I still don't want to change. I am happy  
and unhappy at the same time. As confusing as it sounds, it makes perfect  
sense to me.  
People often annoy and criticize me. I am their favorite toy in a sense,  
but one day I will break just as all things do. If they push me too much I  
will retaliate. I will probably go insane rather then die when I break. If  
I do go insane, will I be safe and alone or will thousands surround me and  
push me beyond insanity to death? Or will someone destroy me and decide for  
me? The only things I can do are wait and see what becomes of me. All in  
all, I will change and who knows what my feelings and question will be  
then? Either way I'll be happy, I think.  
  
What is change anyway? Is it evolution? shifting from one thing to another?  
It doesn't really matter to me even though it's all around me. A lot of  
other people don't care about change either. My grandfather didn't care of  
change. He just wanted to use me. If something changed he would just get me  
to fix it.  
Why do people pretend that I do not have feelings? Just because I don't  
talk much it doesn't mean that I don't have feelings or that I'm dumb. Or  
am I some kind of artificial being created by the people of BioVolt? I  
wouldn't know. Why is it that I only have questions and not answers? But  
then again it does seem to make more sense. Answers don't seem to be what  
I'm looking for anyway. Just asking questions, helps me feel better, I  
guess. What makes me feel better is....nothing really. The world is against  
me and has been from the moment I was born. Nothing I do appeases the  
hatred the world drowns me in. It all gets too much sometimes, so I just  
sit in my little corner of the world to think. Writing helps.  
What about my friends, the bladebreakers? What about them? They have helped  
the minority of times and unfortunately I've managed to drag four other  
people into a web of sadness. I feel sorry for them all the time. Even when  
I try to free them, they always stay, which makes me come back to another  
question. Why do I put up with this shit in my life? Surely, it will get  
better? Probably not. 14 years have gone and It hasn't gotten any better.  
This is what is destined for me. It comes with my honor and partnership  
with Dranzer. I can't give in because I have Dranzer, she ties me to this  
world. That's why I had all this dreadful stuff happen to me when I was  
young. It was training me for what was to come. Every time something went  
wrong I became stronger as I survived it. Kind of like that saying, what  
doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Anyway I became stronger, strong  
enough to take control of Dranzer. After a while, I learnt to close off all  
my feelings, well most of them, to no one but my self. The only emotions I  
have ever really shown are anger and determination. Maybe a look of  
arrogance and sadness, or quick flashes of happiness and kindness.  
Still life wrecks what I have left going for me. People are after Dranzer  
and I am in danger of losing her, the only thing that I really have left.  
Once again, I'm drowning in hatred, surrounded by darkness. I hate life,  
yet I wouldn't change a thing. I'm miserable and happy at the same time.  
It's confusing what I feel, but it all makes sense. I'm not sure what to  
do. I'm swimming in a river of feelings. I am me and the strong current  
trying to push me under is the hatred that the world plunges on me in  
torrents. As I struggle this powerful, dark grey water, I also struggle to  
think straight. The cold, cruel water gurgles its laughter at my pain, and  
at the thought of its victory. As the cold water floods my lungs and I  
fight to keep my head above the water, a dark thought enters my mind as I  
reach for the surface and grasp only air. I am losing. Soon the water will  
over come me and I freeze as the last flurry of thoughts become one  
sinister one. That sinister thought is "why don't I just give up?"  
  
Renee: Just as an after note. Kai does not die. The drowning is just a  
simulation of how Kai deals with his feelings. If that makes sense?  
Luckydog: You usually do. Where as I don't. sometimes if I'm talking back I  
do. Oh well, reviewing good, plz review! 


End file.
